He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
