i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
