He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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