i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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