That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
