I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize