I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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