if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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