dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
