thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
