I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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