Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
