I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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