Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
