I'm eating all of the evidence.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
