i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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