I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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