It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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