I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
