i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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