and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
