I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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