Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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