This dress was meant to end up on your floor
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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