using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
