I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The air taste purple.
Randomize
