Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
