first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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