Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think your dad took our porno
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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