p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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