Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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