somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
