so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
