She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
