She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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