Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
