could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
