i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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