i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
