whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
