im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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