Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
