I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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