I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
