i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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