there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
