Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
