Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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