OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drunk is not a location!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!