So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm both gender and math confused
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
