My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order