Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.