Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.

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(519): View more from Ontario

so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Could a canary swim?

(952): View more from Minnesota

Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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(214): View more from Texas

Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(573): View more from Missouri

ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.

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(406): View more from Montana

My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.

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