He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up