I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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