Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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