I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
