I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
