when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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