did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
