last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
