We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
