Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like abortions should bother me more
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
