She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
