So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize