i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
