My room smells like vodka and shame
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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