Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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