We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
