I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
