I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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