For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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