I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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