woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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