We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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