you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
