We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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