don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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