Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
