So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
