my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
