I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
