The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
