The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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