I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
