HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
