i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
